Full disclosure: I am always listening to audiobooks. Like I would rather listen to books than listen to music.
I love them so much, I have a platinum membership at Audible. That’s two credits a month.
Get on my level.
I’m pretty sure my love for them comes from the fact that I’m a Virgo and I can’t read one book at a time to save my life. It’s easier for me to compartmentalize the books if I read one, and listen to the other. This way I can get through 3-4 books per month and be able to remember them well. With my appetite for reading, audiobooks have been really helpful.
Which means, if I hear one more person trash audiobooks, I promise I will barf on them!
If you’ve tried listening to audiobooks and it’s just not your thing, ok.
Like if you just don’t like listening to other people talk, listening to NPR or podcasts or whatever isn’t for you either. That’s cool; feel free to skip this part, because this rant isn’t about you.
If you’ve ever made a snotty comment like “listening to an audiobook doesn’t count as reading”, or laughed at someone for enjoying audiobooks. I want you to read this. And then I want you to take a long, hard look at your life and figure out how you came to be so salty.
The question that I really want you to meditate on:
What the actual fuck does it even matter?
What does it matter?
What do you care how they got the information? They got it didn’t they?
They can carry a conversation about the book with you can’t they?
Are you gonna quiz ‘em on what page number a certain quote shows up? No, nobody does that, that’s stupid.
So what gives?
Reasons Audiobooks are the Best Thing Since Sliced Bread:
Your Commute Becomes Your Happy Place
We all spend too much time in the car, or on a train/bus/subway/ferry and we wish we had more time to read. If I had my way I would do nothing but read (like that guy from the Twilight Zone, except duh idiot, stop crying about your broken glasses and bring the book super close to your face). But if you have an audiobook, than you can bypass stupid talk radio or whatever and listen to dope ass book! And, books make everybody in a calmer more polite mood. Less road rage folks.
Boring Chores are Less Boring
Working out is boring, but with books, it’s less boring. I like to listen to books while I run, because I hate running and focusing my attention on a book I’m listening to helps me forget that I’m running. Audiobooks have the same effect on household chores as well!
Some People are Audio Learners
Some people just retain information better when they hear it. Some people need to read something like eight times before it really sinks in. Don’t be a butthole about how other people learn.
Travel Becomes Bearable
I think we can all agree that airports are proof that hell is real and it doesn’t wait until after you die to ensnare you. Drown it all out with a book (and God bless noise cancelling head phones!)
Audiobooks allow people with learning disabilities to enjoy books.
What about people with dyslexia or have other disabilities? Are books just a highbrow hobby to you?
Like “If you a lame, that’s a shame, you can’t hang with us”?
No, and screw you for thinking you own it. And I don’t want to hear the “Well, if they practiced more, they would be able to read better.”
Yeah, no shit. But I’ve been reading since the day I was born and getting through certain authors or books is hard even for me.
It does not matter how hard a person with reading disabilities practices, they’re probably not gonna get through Moby freakin’ Dick.
(Although, if you have, please let me know, because seriously teach me your ways.)
So there it is. Case closed. Audiobooks rule, haters to the left.